Years ago I learned about relationship triangles via family systems theory. Since then, I have striven to maintain strong one-to-one relationships as well as to avoid participating in unhealthy third person situations.
The challenging triangle happened on this blog in the comment section. To summarize, I re-blogged a post and one of my followers took issue with it’s author. This led to my first ever comment skirmish, which I perceive as a good sign that my blog is maturing. In retrospect, let’s see if I handled it according to this article which sums up my experience with how best to solve problems within a triangle:
1. Don’t talk negatively about a third person in the triangle.
2. If you are going to vent or complain about someone, do it to an unrelated third party.
3. Don’t pass information between people.
4. If you are on the outside edge of a triangle, focus on improving individual relationships.
Phew, I did all of the above. Yet, while I’m thick-skinned, this stuff leaves me feeling knocked around. I wonder, should I give the benefit of the doubt to someone new at my blog? Should I defend a returning member’s point? Should I choose a side or mediate? Should I ignore the situation or stay out of it?
With people I know well, I support both, telling each that I trust they can work things out. In more distant relationships, I look for personality clashes and tend to see the good in each person. But sometimes, conflict isn’t about personality, it’s about right and wrong.
As an inexperienced blogger, I’m not quick on my feet about these matters. Yet. But I do want a plan now because according to experienced blogger, Don Charisma, these encounters happen often. Fortunately, I do know what kind of environment I want at my blog:
My turf (social media and IRL) is a safe place to engage in meaningful content and discussion while also practicing respect and kindness.
When I visit your blog, I will never treat anyone there disrespectfully. Never. For now, if I find myself in a similar comment triangle on my turf I’ll link to this post which explains my newbie dilemma. And I’ll quickly get back to writing about family life.
Which gets me back to my daughter, son-in-law, and me as we wait for their baby to be born. We’re so happy. And as soon as baby is born, the couple will become a family of three, a most beautiful and pure example of the power and joy of a life-giving relationship triangle.
Do family relationship triangles challenge you? How do you stay healthy when drawn into an unhealthy triangle? How do you help all family members to have healthy one-to-one relationships?
Have a terrific day and thank you for your many well-wishes for my daughter’s safe delivery of her sweet baby ❤ ~~~~~~~~ Angie Mc