Is there a name for people who lay burdens on others? I have an idea.

My blog lacks conflict. You know, the stuff that drives a good story. That’s a shame, really, because it’s not that I avoid conflict on purpose. Quite the contrary. It’s just that many things which caused me angst in the past don’t anymore.

Which gets me, quite naturally, to the comedian, Brian Regan. Regan uses “observational, sarcastic, and self-deprecating humor” which doesn’t resort to being funny at the expense of others. Except for the pretentious.

So, the population that Regan is willing to shake a finger at is the pretentious. What about me? If I had to pick one style of person to throw under the bus during my comedy routine, who would it be? I know who they are. Let me describe them.

My blood boils when I watch people lay needless and heavy burdens on others. I’m not talking about the needy and the poor. Not the widow and the homeless. Not the downtrodden. Not the sad, grieving, and confused. As the song sings, he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother. I’m talking about those who lay ridiculous emotional burdens on others out of their own insecurity, arrogance, or flat-out meanness.

For example, picture the woman who insinuates that you’re not good enough. This can be about anything from your parenting to your marriage to your blog to your prayer life. I’ll tell you, if it wasn’t for these ladies I would be out of a job with friends and casual acquaintances. There is nothing I enjoy better than to help folks to see the wily ways of these folks. I’ve learned about their ways firsthand, unfortunately.

I want to call them burdenlayers, like bricklayers. Picture each brick as a burden and someone is laying brick after brick after brick on another human being. I want to shout, “Hey, watch out! That’s a burdenlayer! Get out-of-the-way of their burdens!”

What do you think? Do you have a better name? Any thoughts on burdenlayers? Who would you include in your comedy routine?

Stay away from bricks! ~~~~~~~~ Angie Mc

52 thoughts on “Is there a name for people who lay burdens on others? I have an idea.”

  2. I probably would consider the type of person you describe as a narcissist. I do not include as you put it, the grief stricken, ill, etc. I often read blogs of angst, and that’s okay, it is good therapy and anyone can choose to not read. Thank you for a thoughtful article.

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    • Excellent points! You have me thinking about social media, blogging in particular, and “choosing not to read.” I find it much easier to avoid burdenlayers online. Like you so wisely noted, we can choose to not read. We can also choose not to participate with those who cross the fine line. I’ll need to think about this more. How do I identify a burdenlayer online? For better and worse, my burdenlayers have been most abundant live and in person 😦

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      • That is frustrating! You can identify when you are reading a post and feel uncomfortably “burdened” sad or helpless.
        Have a wonderful weekend. Lovely blog.

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      • Exactly. You know it when you “read” it. I’m very good at rolling past TMI and human angst. I mostly notice it online when someone is trying to tell others that they are less than (too spelling errors) or they are ranting at another blogger (just wrong) or are constantly negative. See, the more I think about this, the more I need to figure this out!
        Thanks for your well-wishes, Holly, and the same to you. I truly enjoyed my visit to your blog today ❤

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  3. Nobody can insinuate that I’m not good enough, dammit! And nobody can call me stupid . . . except for maybe the people whose insinuations go right over my head or the ones who use vocabulary words I don’t know. Not sure what those people are up to.

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    • LOL, Scott! There is a lot of truth in what you say. I think I’m a happier person because I often completely miss insinuations! Tell it to me straight or I’m likely going to miss it. As for vocabulary, mine is not improving as my children grow older. At first there was a lot of gibberish going on and now I say things like “That sucks” 😀

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  4. Great post, too many bricklayers, and far too many who are tuck pointers, carefully tending to the bricks. Ain’t no body got time for that! I don’t have a name for these people per-se, but I also tend to categorize them as needy, the takers. This responsibility of behavior also lies heavily on the receiver, to set that boundary & change the dance. People learn quick when you speak their language.

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    • Change the dance, exactly! Speak directly, yes! Ain’t nobody got time for that 😀 Thanks for commenting, you are showing on my feed as “Someone”. Let me know if you would like to be known more personally 😀

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  6. Burden-layers. That’s a great term, Angie, and an interesting concept. My comedy act would skewer the guilt-mongers…and I’ve had more than my share.They come in all shapes and sizes and I’m not just talking about the much-maligned Jewish mothers !! Have a great weekend. ☺ Van

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  7. I want to call them burdenlayers, like bricklayers….
    So true, the perfect way to call them… I always try to build to get in touch brigdes though… Yes, I am naive, I know…. And sometimes bricklayers use the same brigdes with different purposes such as the ones you mentioned!…Love dear Angie. Aquileana 😀

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  8. There are people in this world who are perpetually indignant. They seek to find something to be aghast about in everything they experience. I call these sort “Chicken Little” because they have a perspective of the world that is black and diseased. I find this is a characteristic in the far right, the far left, and the very religious. They will take anectodotal evidence of events in the world to support there argument that the world is collapsing and if only people would see the light and believe what they believe then the world would be set right. And if you happen to not be offended by the same things they are then you are morally flawed.

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    • Good, sad, point, John. It is easy to see how those stuck in extreme thoughts can lay on the burdens (however well-intended) because these thoughts can blind us to being kind and respectful. There is a lot of fear peddling involved in this, too.

      But, please don’t drag poor Chicken Little into this! When I watch Chicken Little with my little guy, I don’t want to be thinking about political or religious extremes! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0371606/ 🙂

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    • Right?! Oh, Marlene, I can soooo see you saying that some day. Calm. Direct. Moving on 🙂 And now you have me thinking about friends…a friend is someone who helps us to carry our loads, not someone who adds to it. No wonder good friends are treasures.

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  12. Hey angie – I call them joy robbers! and I think they come in assorted bunch – and I have seen many types in my days. but my least favorite type of person has to be the one that fails to grow – and just complains all the time – kind of selfish – demanding and just wah wah about what does not come there way. and not that we cannot feel that way, but I guess one lady is coming to my mind right now – so I have a lot of grace for people who struggle (as I know you do) but those that fail to grow and are not even open to it – well they get on my nerves.

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  15. When I read a post & comments like this, it is easy to think about those “other” people but I have to ask myself where I fit on the continuum. In my life I have a critical eye; I see what people are doing and where they’re screwing up. I see things that can be improved. It’s not mine to impose, intervene or infringe *unless* they’re negatively impacting me or innocent others. In that case I’m tough. More so than many people generally want/like. If somebody is being dishonest, manipulative (that’s a BIG one), oblivious, selfish, and so on, it gets my back up. But THEY might well think I’m being too hard on them or unfair.

    Burden-layers ferret out our weak or vulnerable spots. They know where to hit. It’s not that THEY are doing it to us so much that THEY light a match and then we fan it. If we weren’t vulnerable we’d kick the burdens set at our feet aside and laugh. They don’t mean anything till we infuse them with meaning.

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    • Very thoughtful as always, Colette. I highly value being a critical thinker as I work to avoid being a critic. I know, to my regret, that I’ve laid needless burdens on others and I’m doing my best to not do so now. Yet, there are times when I’ve needed to (and will need to again) address issues of great harm or great damage which made me appear to be laying my expectations on others. I like your line “negatively impacting me or innocent others.” <- This.
      Your last paragraph YES! I've been working on a blog post about that very topic in my mind for months. Maybe it's time to actually write it 😀

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      • I will be happy to read it when you do.

        Expectations. Yes, I walk around with a lot of them. The world doesn’t care (for the most part). Expectations of civility, decency, fairness, carrying one’s own weight (when able), and so on. I wrote a post once about how I’m easily pleased & easily disappointed.

        I have confidence in your judgment should you decide to take someone on. I really don’t like confrontation but I like less how I feel when I don’t speak up or act on what I believe is right. I continue to work on my *delivery.* [wry face]

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      • The delivery…there are times when I apologize to my kids for my delivery *but not the content of what I said*!!! At those moments I think delivery is over-rated, ha!

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